I posted a couple pics to FB and feel like such a fraud. As if I am deceiving the public into thinking all this is easy, fun, exciting. And well there are moments of each of those. The reality however is, this is HARD! It is SO challenging and in ways I never imagined. Like the heat, the humidity! Walking down a sidewalk with a pram. Isn’t everywhere pram friendly? First world problems eh!
Each day I wake with a new attitude towards the day. May depend on how much sleep I’ve had or what day of the week it is, or how many more days till the weekend when I don’t have to do the day on my own. My mind bounces like a yo-yo, up-down, sideways, constantly, making my brain hurt. One minute I am revelling in the fact that we made it out the door with Randal to walk him to the train station and have breakfast. The next I am wiping my brow to stop sweat from dripping into my ears and eyes thinking, “seriously, can I really survive this?” “How much sweat can one person produce” and “could I survive off my sweat in case of a drought?” (how does one collect sweat while walking anyway?) The answer to all is YES. I can survive and I will.
In all seriousness though, a drought? haha! This place has torrential downpour almost daily! Today it rained so hard I could barely see the building next to us. And if you could see how close that building is you’d be astounded. The laundry that hung complacently on the balcony drying rack was almost lost to the wind and rain that came in all ways & threatened to throw it overboard! Now that is some rain.
When we packed house and left Vancouver, we were young (early 30’s IS young!), energized and threw caution to the wind to let our hearts take us where we wanted. As you may recall from an earlier post, we yearned for that ugly red brick building lurching on the edge of the cliff in Manly. We got that. It took work and perseverance, but we made it happen.
We left Vancouver with a 100 liter duffel bag and backpack each. This time we added about 10 times that, oh and don’t forget the 2 little tyrants! I mean people. Things are not as simplistic as last time.
We were not delusional believing this would be easy. In fact we have been braced for catastrophic devastation pre departure and probably hourly even now. We pictured having to tear Chloe (who is 4.5 yrs old), away from our apartment, Tiggy (our beloved car), her friends, from everything she has ever known, with tears coursing down her sweet round cheeks. In reality, she has done quite well. She’s been here a week only and already knows how to use chopsticks! I mean REAL not for children chopsticks. She never even practised, she just did it! Crazy smart kid (gotta tell Annette!).
Us on the other hand I think is fair to say we miss everything 132 Bower Street represents to us. I can only speak for myself here, but I do find it difficult to see photos of Manly beach flashing across my screen as I troll through Facebook. My heart feels confused; pride mingled with sadness to know that Manly was once my home too. Alongside fascination, hesitation and bewilderment that funky half-missing skyscrapers dot my worldly view for the moment. The complexities of all this can be overwhelming.
So, as I said, every day is a different bag of emotions. Every hour can be different. A journey is like that though I suppose. Challenge our deepest rituals and comforts and see what new colours we can add to the rainbow of our life. It is my long held belief that every emotion, every life experience good &/or bad, deserves it’s place in your life and heart. I remind myself of this often (with the help from a good friend) and try to appreciate the emotions for what they are; a moment in my life. This too shall pass and I will miss these days of newness and confusion. I will likely long for it again as I long for the mountains in BC and the sound of waves in Manly. Until then, this is my reality and I shall enjoy.
Please enjoy with me